On Autumn Leaves and Change

About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post about how surreal it felt to travel back to Charleston for the first time since moving away. I'm sitting on an airplane right now headed back to Indiana for the first time since moving to Columbia three months ago. What makes this trip even more "out of body" is that I'm going up to actually move my belongings to SC.

In my post about going back to Charleston, I talked about the very clear direction I felt about going to Indiana, about how it had been time for a change, but that I wasn't sure what to anticipate going back. Would I feel some sense of confirmation that I had made the right decision? Would I realize that I missed Charleston deeply and regret everything?

That same sense of uncertainty is what I feel now. There's already some sense of regret that I left having lost my job, having never really adapted to the culture, having no idea what "that" was about. And yet, you can't live with regret. You make life's decisions as wisely and as prayerfully as you can and then you live with it.

I think the most unfortunate thing is that my job in Indiana had me so perpetually stressed out, I'm not sure I was ever really myself the whole time I was in Indiana. I certainly didn't have the emotional energy to invest in a social life or adapting to the Midwest, and I'm not even sure the people who I do regard as friends know the real, non stressed out me. What I'm getting at is this. Now that I don't live there anymore, I might really like it. How idiotic is that?

Maybe I'll have some sort of epifany about what Indiana was really about. Maybe I won't, and that's fine too. There are lots of things in life we never really know the answers to.

Worst case scenario, I'll get to see some people that I love and miss a lot. Oh, and the leaves are changing in Indiana, and that's certainly appropriate.

Comments

[Dana]

I hope you enjoyed the beautiful fall leaves and enjoyed your visit. I wish you all the best!

[Dave Wilson]

Without sounding too full of myself or like someone who over-estimates their worth, I would like to think (and even think that I know I'm right when i say this) that I got to know the real Steven Sturm. Amidst the stresses of work, church and the everyday everything else I think that I got to see the real Steven through all of that and because of all of it. I miss you man and we will see each other again soon enough and have to share some mint julips and boiled peanuts.

Love you buddy and even though I miss you and know that I won't find another friend here in Indiana like you, I'm happy that you are in a place that you feel more like yourself. That makes me happy

Love ya man

Dave

[Betts]

Hmmmm...this makes me think--do I know the real Steven? It makes me sad also, to think that we had all those early morning worship team calls, sang in our "break-out" (hee hee) Christmas cantanta together, and had moments that were, for me, pure corporate worship to God, and that somehow, it wasn't the real you. I guess I'd rather go on under the guise that I DID know you, and that your time here in Indiana, although maybe not what YOU thought it would be, had a purpose in my life and in my ministry at church. Maybe Indiana wasn't so much about fitting in or being worried about being yourself as much as it was about pleasing God in whatever season of life you find yourself in, and being an influence on others in a positive way. That is how I'd like to remember your time in Indiana...